One morning ...

Aaaahh! What time is it? 6:30? Damn it! It has happened again. He can't get much sleep nowadays. No matter how late he sleeps, he is not able to close his eyes once the sun rises. Getting old, is he?

It's an empty laundry room. He looks outside the window and sees the morning fog lifting. The watch clocks seven. He has to wait for an hour for his clothes to come out clean. He looks disappointingly at his badminton racquet; he cannot use it for an hour atleast for the courts to open. He has come prepared. He pulls out a book which he has been reading for a couple of days now. He is not in the mood to read though. Closing the book, he stares at the rotating clothes in the washer all covered in soap and water. He seems lost. Might be interesting to get into his mind and find out what's going on ...

Arey ...! Something's wrong with the swearing "Nee picchi guddalo naa modda" (translation - my dick in your ass) and I'm realizing it now! How is that insulting to the recipient? It sounds more insulting to the person from which the words originate. How come it is used so often? It's wierd.
Now, I'm curious. That is an act of anal penetration, and it has been considered as a grave sin since the vedic times. I can recall many rituals mentioned in Manusmriti (both for the fucker and the fucked) that purify the effects of "the action". But, of the two, (anal) fucking is relatively a greater sin compared to getting fucked (anally).

Is it because of what the action symbolises? An act of penetration has always been an symbol, if not obvious, of dominance and aggression (not necessarily always). There have been countless cases of systematic and organized rape of prisoners of war. I can recollect many scenes from movies where the female entitly is dominated through the idea of rape. The act of penetration, is thus, more symbolic to an aggressive outlet as opposed to his sexual outlet. In essence, the dominative and aggressive attitude surpasses the guilt factor arising out of anal penetration.
Ohh ... The word rape reminds me of what Kakar wrote in his book, Indian Identity. It's still hard to believe that rape is a subconscious fantasy of women too. Rape, a fantasy of men? Sure. Women too!!! [See foot-note 1]

Are there any books that analyse the structure, meaning and purpose of expletives??? in the cultural context? That would be interesting (and in some situations funny)**.

... aaaaaannd out. He is laughing looking at the rotating clothes (still covered in soap and water). He "comes out" of his thoughts only to realise he is not alone. The girl on the next bench is looking at him bewildered and trying to make sense out of the situation. He leaves the room silently without even looking behind, still very conscious of the girl looking at him.

Foot-notes:
1) Kakar, while speaking of rape scenes in Indian cinema, notices a subtle, yet distinctive point - The victim is, generally a lot younger than the person raping her. Further down the chapter,
...

This is perhaps the most painful period of a girl's life, in which many renunciations are expected of her and where her training as an imminent daughter-in-law who must bring credit to her natal family is painfully stepped up. Psychoanalysis regularly brings up the poweful wish from this period for an intimacy with the father in which the daughter is simultaneously indulged as a little girl and treated as a young woman whose emerging womanhood is both appreciatively recognised and appropriately reacted to. In part, this is a universal fantasy among women, arising from the fact that a father often tends to withdraw from his daughter at the onset of puberty, feeling that he should no longer exhibit physical closeness, doubtless also because of the sexual feelings the daughter arouses in him. The daughter, however, learning to be at home in a woman's body and as yet insecure in her womanly role, may interpret the father's withdrawl as a proof of her feminine unattractiveness. The wished for father-daughter intimacy becomes a major fantasy in India because of the fact that in the Indian family the father's withdrawl from his daughter is quite precipitate once she attains puberty. The daughter is completely given over to the woman's world which chooses precisely this period of inner turmoil to become increasingly harsh. The rape by a father is then the forbidden, sexual aspect of her more encompassing longing for intimacy. The fearful mask worn by the father is a projection of the daughter's own villainous desire which frees her from the guilt of entertaining it.

The rape fantasy from a man's perspective, though obvious, is nevertheless interesting. This fantasy is a defensive mechanism from the narsissistic injury during the oedipal stage of a boy's life. The oedipal instincts over-powered by the feminine thus resulting in castration complex are "resolved" through the fantasy where he gets to rape a younger and a weak woman (as opposed to older and strong female of the oedipal stage).

** This reminds him of one phrase constructed by Srikanth (his friend from college) long time back - "Picchi Gudda lo Pulla" (translation - "Thin, small stick in [your] ass").

[Italicized paragraph is taken from the book Indian Identity by Sudhir Kakar]

On Modernity

Sometime back, I had to be at a party with my colleagues from work. The usual, boring and senseless things were brought up by everyone just because he/she has to contribute something to the table conversation. One thing led to another and some how the idea of India being the greatest country and how its traditional values, which were so rich, were polluted by the colonization by the British led to the current situation. As always, the immediate reaction was a mixed feeling of irritation, anger and frustration. But then, it did not take me a long time to realize that not so long ago, my thought process was something similar.

What happened? What was the reason for this change? The answer - Ideology and Social Change by Andre Beteille. This man through his book has changed the way I think (permanently, I guess). He brings out the sharp contrast between traditionalists and mordernists, and how their atittude makes all the difference.

No society can escape from his past, but a society should not remain tied inexorably to its past. No doubt, traditionalists believe that society can and should be improved. But they also believe that the ingredients for that improvement are to be found mainly, if not wholly, in their own social and cultural tradition.

It's easy to blame others for our shortcomings and mistakes. That added with psuedo-nationalist driven thought, would be enough to fuel an idea that colonization and westernization ruined the current generation. Sure, it has impacted us, but, not necessarily in a bad sense. It has -

• helped abolish evil practices like Sati
• reduced the impacts of divisions based on caste (sense of purity and pollution), gender ... Other forms of division have started, but, I don't think we cannot avoid it. There is always the innate nature of the human to maintain the self-other distinction.
• brought industrial progress.
• most importantly, introduced to the technological changes, modern works and thought processes early enough thus enabling us to adjust and live comfortably in the globalized world.

(I was not able to come up with more examples, but, I think I made my point)

The boundaries of a civilization are porous. Since the ancient times, there is an exchange of ideas and philosophies among various civilizations. There are bound to be conficts, clashes; survival of the fittest applies best here - a better idea always wins. To ignore that would be foolish and would help no one, even the self. We cannot escape the past; we can only wonder what would've happened if there was no colonization. But again, that would lead us nowhere.

A civilization that cannot accommodate a variety of traditions, seeking to maintain a jealous hold on only one single tradition, can hardly be called a civilization. The vitality of a religion depends on a continuous critique of it by its own reflective members ... Respect for a tradition should not lead to a glorification of the past, and a living tradition does not need to insulate itself from the winds of change or to feel that it will be blown away by them.

I believe, we as a society, always had the capacity and sophistication to be open to change. It's the only explanation to us being so diverse and yet remain as a single nation. But, the psuedo-nationalist views of the conservatives in the recent past have impacted us more than we think. For too long, I've given unnecessary importance to (certain) old norms. I do not want to stick to the past anymore. It's not my intention to ignore the existing values that have shaped us and made us who we are. I would re-evaluate - which of them matter now and which ones are obsolete. That's one thing I'd start doing new. I'd like to end by quoting Beteille from his book.

Modernization is today inescapable, bit it is not a painless process, and it penalizes latecomers severely. Modernity does not presuppose a momogeneous world in which everybody boes the same thing, thinks the same thoughts and speak the same language; on the contrary, it requires and encourages knowledge and appreciation of alternate ways of life.

Note: Italicized paragraphs are taken from the book, Ideology and Social Change.

Small Stones in the Food

These motherfuckers don't seem to get extinct anytime in the near future.

I was on my way to thanjavur in a train (to visit my sister and brother, if you must know). I was reading my first novel, "Catcher in the Rye" by J. D. Salinger - good book by the way - with my iPod earphones sticking in my ear. The train halts at Bangalore where this Hare-Krishna-Son-of-a-Bitch gets on the train, clad in familiar orange and with a set of books in his hand. I return back to my book. He comes up to me and this is the shit I had to go through.

He (pushing those fucking books into my face): Would you like to buy any of these?I pause reading and the currently playing song, removed my earphones and ...

Me (politely, keeping my hate for Krishna aside): No. I'm not interested.

He (with a fucking smirk on his face): How long would you be like this?

Me (totally pissed off and angry): Like what?

He: You know! (and he looks up and down)

Me: Tell me. Just because I don't look like you, and I'm not into religious books, I'm screwed up?

He looks at me and the guy beside me for a couple of seconds, mumbles something and leaves.

You'd think this is the end of the misery, but the Supreme Psycho above decided to have some more fun. I reached Thanjavur the next day. I checked in, freshened up and went to Brihadeeshwara temple (one hell of a temple that is). Apart from the horrible weather, I thought nothing could bother me that day. I was having my breakfast when an Indica (with a SBI sticker on the windshield) screeches and this person, big fat one, gets out of the car and enters the so-called tiffin center. He sat on the table beside me. I noticed that the engine of the car was still running. Normally I wouldn't have done anything about it. Maybe the effect of the moon made me harmonal, I don't know. I waited for a while, gathered up some courage and went over to adjacent table.

Me: Ahem ... Hello sir, did you know that your car's engine is still on?

He (with a confused look): Yes, I do.

Me: Can you please switch it off? It is unnecessary, since no one is in the car.

He (bit pissed off): I know. I kept it on because I need to keep the AC running.

Me: But sir, the car will cool down in a minute. It not that hot anyway.

He: What's your problem? It's car, my wish. Mind your own (fucking) business.

Mind my own business!! That fat bastard! I know those types. He would definetely would switch off that engine if it was indeed his car and his petrol. Burning up government's money and polluting the earth - Son of a BITCH! Frankly, there was nothing else I could do; I shut my hole and got the hell out of that restaurant. The perfect day turned out to be a least-expected miserable one.

Why? Why do such things happen to me? This is just like encountering a small stone in your food. My mother always has a brilliant answer to such situations - "Such things happen to everyone. It is you who keeps bitching and make a big deal out of something insignificant". It is small, I agree, yet a big pain in the ass. I'm a kind of person who like to enjoy a meal without "minor" hitches. Is it too much to ask?

Society - Individual

It was a casual day, or so I thought it would. All alone, peaceful and totally absorbed into a book. Knock! Knock!! Was I expecting anyone? No.

Arrogant SoB (Son of a Bitch): Hello sir ... (something in kannada)

bonGu: Can you speak either in hindi, or in english?

Arrogant SoB: We are building a temple to honour so-and-so God. Please be generous and contribute to the good cause.

bonGu: Sorry. I'm not interestedArrogant SoB: Not interested?! What do you mean, not interested?

bonGu: It means I'm not interested. It means I don't want to donate.

Arrogant SoB: Tell me, where are you from?

bonGu (puzzled and confused): How would that matter?

Arrogant SoB: Tell me where you are from and I'll tell you how that matters.

bonGu (furiated): I'm not from Karnataka!

Arrogant SoB: Well then, don't you want to stay in Karnataka?

bonGu: I don't give you money and you start threatening me? Who taught you this? Your parents?

Arrogant SoB (angry and pissed off): ... (cursing something in kannada)

bonGu: Fuck Off!

WHAT THE FUCK!!??

When did we come to this? Humility and reason seem to be a lost altogether. This is not an isolated incident. Similar kind of conflict comes on an yearly basis at the time of Ganesh Chaturthi. Do I have to give out my hard-earned money for your merry-making? And on top of that, you (who is clueless of what God is all about) become judgemental on me? I'm banished from the society! I'm frowned upon! I'm "that person" who did not donate to your "sacrad" event. Fuck You!

If you are totally sloshed out and dance and sing and make hell amount of noise (supposedly, in the name of God), it is O.K. If I was to do the same (on a different occasion), then it is a disturbance to everyone around? It is not O.K if I play loud music at inappropriate times, but, it is perfectly fine if you play loud music till midnight or at 4:30 in the morning. It is O.K because you are a devotee of ayyappa or ganesha or whoever-the-fuck-it-is.

This is not just with the "religious" lot. It creeps into the workplace also. Every often there's an event; birthday celebration, farewell, parties, it doesn't matter. You have to "contribute" to the "team" even though you hate the very idea of a celebration. And in some cases, just contributing will not do. You HAVE to be present in the gatherings. Make no mistake here - You'll be an outcast. Everything boils down to concept of majority-minority or fitting-in-the-society bullshit. Integrity is no more an idea or a thought, but, merely a word in the dictionary.

Don't remember who, but, I had an argument with him long time back - society greater than individual or individual greater than society? I'll kick on the balls and give the answer now.