What is your God?

[This, unlike other blogs is not an effect of frustration. Proof: I've been listening to Illayaraja since morning and even as I write this]

All this of "What is God?" or "Who is God?" started when I was about 15 or 16. As always, I was wandering in my 'imaginary' (or is it real?) world when all of a sudden, a proverb that once was told by my grandfather (May his soul rest in peace) when I was a kid, struck me - "Sivudi aagnya lenidae cheemainaa kuttadu kadaa". Roughly translated it would mean, "Without Siva's (God's) consent, even an ant wouldn't bite". This might sound trivial, but, at that point, those words shook me out of my belief system and thrown me into a state of madness and chaos, from which I'm yet to recover.

The point here is, "So, if the ant bites you, it's not the fault of the ant, but of Siva (God) since, He, knowing that the ant would bite you, He let it to bite you". Let me magnify this instance, so that you and I are on the same lines.

"If I steal 100 bucks from you, it's not my fault but God's, as knowing that I have the idea of stealing from you, he wouldn't stop me (or couldn't stop me ... He is called the Almighty, isn't He?)"

"If a terrorist (Hitler, Osama, Bush, ...) decided to claim life of innocents, it's not the sin of the terrorist per se, but of God's, since knowing his (terrorist, not God) intentions, he was nothing more than a silent spectator" (Doesn't he have the least courtesy or the moral responsibility to let others know of this ... and this is the entity whom you stupid fucks pray to, in the mornings, or in some cases, only on special occasions like, festivals).

OK. Since I'm out of examples now, I stop now ... If you've got my point read on; if not, get the fuck out of here, there's not point reading this blabber.

This point, somehow got lost among my other thoughts, until my 3rd semester of B.Tech which was triggered by the fact - "How can the culture that believes in God's justice (after death) produce artifacts of social justice like Manusmrithi (Manavadharmashastra) and other to-be-followed-strictly 'law-books'?" Does this mean that the civilization has failed to make the commoners realize (or is it believe?) the power of God that they have come up with the doctrines of social punishment and social conduct. Even the logic - "Every action in current life affects the next cycle of birth and death" failed to convince the masses.

Now, comes an important issue. Most of us are familiar with the (in) justice done to Sita by (Lord) Rama. For the benifit of the ignorant, here it goes: Fearing the public judgment, Rama questions the chastity of Sita and asks her to prove herself. She goes through the ‘Agni-Parikshaa’ and comes out clean.

• If he is God, He'd somehow come up with the idea of convincing the people that Sita is unpolluted. For example, he could bring out his Maha-rupa like he did during Gitopadesha for Arjuna. That will definitely bring faith into people and remove the doubts (or) since He is an incarnation Vishnu, and Vishnu knows 'everything'; so, he knows that Ravana is under a wrath of a curse and hence cannot pollute Sita; he could have let everyone know that fact through Aakaashavaani or some other means. If an insignificant mortal like me could come up with a few alternative, why didn't (or couldn't) the Almighty come up with some justified solution? [My personal opinion: I feel that he himself was not convinced that Sita is pure. He conveniently found an excuse of 'what people might think or say' ... Why the fuck do you care? You ARE the Almighty]
• And also, note that this is the same man who would do anything for the wishes of his father (and his step-mother), but when it comes to supporting the woman who has left all her loved-ones to spend her rest of her life with him (Sita), he fails her. Now is that what God would do? Keep aside, for a second, the fact that Sita is his wife. Would God punish an innocent being for the 'greater good' of many beings? If he is God, would He not be capable of coming up with a strategy of convincing everyone? Would you accept if you were chosen for torment (by none other than God) for the benifit of man-kind? (I definitely wouldn't). At this point I would like to ask a question to all the feminists out there. Do you really consider Rama to be God? Do you think that he is an incarnation to Lord Vishnu? If the answer to either of the above questions is 'Yes', you are a disgrace to the word "Feminism".

Yeah! Yeah! I'm coming to all you 'Hare-Krishnas'. How empty you must be (inside) that you accept (Sri) Krishna to be your God? His life taught us "Fight injustice through injust means", i.e., "Mulluni mulluthone thiyyaali" [rough translation: Use a thorn to remove a thorn]. Just because a person was unjust doesn't mean you can defeat him through unjust means. No person with a conscience would accept it. Some how, it is very convenient to you people. [idhe nemo Vishnu maaya ante ...]

All of this (and a few others which I can't remember right now) lead to a strange kind of confusion. And then began the re-evaluation of the entity called "God". The result:

1. I detested the idea of God.
2. I felt that's really stupid.
3. I realised that God exists (This might come out as a shock to most of you, but, this is true. It's only that my idea of God is totally different).
4. It (God) is definitely subjective.
5. The current status - there are still a few unanswered questions, but, I guess, Hope is good thing.

I'll shut the fuck up before I turn into non-pessimistic person. A quick question though:

Who is your God?

Or rather

What is your God?