Colours in the Air!

I Hate Holi!

Many of my colleagues' faces turned red when I told'em that. Was it holi already? It's still friday right! - I wondered. Now, the previously peaceful (dead, actually) office has suddenly turned into a parliament house in session. I've claimed that it's a meaningless celebration. The furious and the frustrated opened up wikipedia to know more about the 'Festival of Colours' so that they could shut my god-forbidden mouth (you can do the same, by the way). So, this is why we supposedly celebrate holi:

Hiranyakashyap tries to kill his son in many ways - bitten by snakes, trampled by elephants, thrown from a cliff - you name it and it's there. But, our little hero wouldn't just die. He saved by the aLMIGHTY over and over again. Frustrated by this, our villan "ordered young Prahlad to sit on a pyre on the lap of his sister, Holika, who could not die by fire". Wait! Wait! Wait! This is not the end. This is not a tragedy remember! Didn't you know that "Good always wins over Evil"? So, magically, Prahlad survives (like he did the last time) and his sister, The-Evil-Bitch dies. And hence we celebrate Holi. "Truimph of Good over Evil" as my colleagues would yell out in the air!

Back from the little lesson. My point here is this - Snakes, elephants, cliff, holika etc ... are all means and tools employed by Evil (Hiranyakashyap) to kill the Good (The Little Hero of our story, Prahlad). So, shouldn't the real celebration, as we call it, start when the real Evil dies (and not the tools). There is no significance to the day when Hiranyakashyap is ripped open by Lord Narasimha. What the Fuck! And what the deal with colours anyway? I don't remember the significance of any colour in the above mentioned story. From where the fuck did the colours creep in our little celebration? If at all there is a celebration, we should start burning whatever or whoever is evil (like Me, for instance) instead of crapping up all the streets, houses, walls, faces, arms, legs, boobs (in case of females, and a few males), and dicks (in case of males and hermophrodites). OK! For a second, let's agree that the death of Holika is meaningful. Going by that logic, shouldn't we celebrate each and every time when Hiranyakashyap's wretched plots failed? Even those are truimph of good over evil.

I think, all this has been started by some fucked-up psycho. And the rest, the senseless, pathetic bastards they are, decide to associate this shit with myth (since, whatever they do should have a purpose ... I don't think they did a good job anyway. Do you??!!).

You think there only one stupid story to this, but, you're wrong my friend. There another brilliant (Oops, a typo! stupid, the word is stupid) story. Now, this involves the two famous characters from the pages of mythology - Radha and Krishna. And hence, this shit is not only the "Festival of Colours" but also, the "Festival of Love". Here's the story:

One day, Radha playfully teases Krishna of his complexion. Deeply hurt, Krishna, the momma's boy he is, runs and tells his mother (Now, kids! Do not laugh. Remember, this is the same Govardhanagiridhari, the cool dude who lifts and balances a big mountain on his little finger). Intelligently, the mother, applies colour on Radha and Co., who were messing up with our hero's head. And, all this happens in spring, the season of love.

There you go! We celebrate this festival every year to commemorate Krishna's inferioty complex. Satisfied?? So am I!

Enough with all this shit. I'm just thinking too much to convince the world, don't you think! You want a simple and deadly reason? Check out the 'Health Hazard' section of the "Holi" page in Wikipedia. Check out which colour brings which disease this spring!

Happy Holi everyone!