Why do fathers behave in 'the way' they do? Why has been always (at least, most of the time), considerable (emotional) gap between a father and a son. I think this is the question that has been in our mind ever since, you know, probably, the time we've started thinking. At least, that was my case. Sudhir Kakar in his book, The Indians, puts the answer to this question (as usual) in simple words.
... A traditional father operates under the logic of the joint family. This demands that in order to prevent the building up of nuclear cells within the family that can destroy its cohesion, a father be restrained in the presence of his own child and divide his interest and support equally among his own and his brothers' children. Moreover, as we shall see later in the chapter on sexuality, many a young father was embarrassed to hold his infant child in front of older family members since this fruit of his loins was clear evidence of activity in that particular region.
Of course, behind the requisite facade of aloofness and impartiality, a traditional Indian father may be struggling to express his love for his son. Fatherly love is no less strong in India than in other societies. ... (pg: 22-23,The Indians)
So, if 'this' is the dynamics between you and your father, do NOT worry (like i used to). It just means that you are the luckiest son (your father being an IDEAL father).
P.S: Thanks, potu, for the title.
P.P.S: If you're into books, I'd recommend you to get hold of a copy of 'The Indians' soon. It's one of the best books that I've read till now. Kakar tries to give an identity to 'The Indian' through the aspects of Caste, Sexuality, Indian world-view, Sacrad texts, Food and Health etc ..
... A traditional father operates under the logic of the joint family. This demands that in order to prevent the building up of nuclear cells within the family that can destroy its cohesion, a father be restrained in the presence of his own child and divide his interest and support equally among his own and his brothers' children. Moreover, as we shall see later in the chapter on sexuality, many a young father was embarrassed to hold his infant child in front of older family members since this fruit of his loins was clear evidence of activity in that particular region.
...
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Another ideology impinging on traditional fathers in India is of a gender-based dichotomy in parental roles and obligations. Playing with or taking care of their infants is not what fathers do, their major roles lies in the disciplining of the child. As a north-Indian proverb, addresses to men, pithily puts it: 'Treat a son like a king for the first five years, like a slave for the next ten years and like a friend thereafter.'...
Of course, behind the requisite facade of aloofness and impartiality, a traditional Indian father may be struggling to express his love for his son. Fatherly love is no less strong in India than in other societies. ... (pg: 22-23,The Indians)
So, if 'this' is the dynamics between you and your father, do NOT worry (like i used to). It just means that you are the luckiest son (your father being an IDEAL father).
P.S: Thanks, potu, for the title.
P.P.S: If you're into books, I'd recommend you to get hold of a copy of 'The Indians' soon. It's one of the best books that I've read till now. Kakar tries to give an identity to 'The Indian' through the aspects of Caste, Sexuality, Indian world-view, Sacrad texts, Food and Health etc ..
"Of course, behind the requisite facade of aloofness and impartiality, a traditional Indian father may be struggling to express his love for his son. Fatherly love is no less strong in India than in other societies."
ReplyDeleteIf u remember, this was very well potrayed in the telugu movie '7/G Brindavan Colony'